The Process of Life A Positive Primer for Managing Your Life By: Gary Null, Ph.D.
by Gary Null, Ph.D. |
People have Addictions, in part, because they don't have the power to run their lives the way they want. The only control they feel they have is over what goes into their bodies, as in food addiction. Food also carries with it powerful associations from our childhood. Some people, who did not receive the emotional attention they needed when they were children,will look to food for comfort. It is important to confront these issues, as they help determine whether or not you can make lasting changes in your life. We need to re-examine our belief systems. These are the ways in which we make the decisions to run our lives. Taking an honest look at ourselves will help to avoid disease and transform our destructive belief patterns into constructive ones. Balancing Our Belief System Very simply, health is balance. When we are living a balanced life, we feel good. When our lives are out of balance, we begin to feel uncomfortable. Over time,if we don't correct these imbalances, our chronic discomfort becomes acute and we may not be able to express our emotions appropriately or we develop disease. Most people in our culture have developed negative attitudes and false belief patterns. Frequently we don't even know what we believe in and have no ideals to which to aspire. Knowing yourself can help you avoid frustrating and even dangerous consequences. Dangerous Belief Patterns. One of the dangers of being creatures of adaptation is that no matter how disconcerting something is, generally we find it easier to adapt to it rather than to change it. Spending our lives in bad jobs or in bad relationships can lead to all sorts of physical symptoms. We have to be careful not to get into the habit of creating negative belief patterns that suit our immediate needs but are ultimately destructive to our well being in the long run. Another danger of our society is the craving for instant gratification.We have become an addictive, dependent, needy people looking to fill up the void of every moment with drugs, food alcohol, TV work, or sex. Society, instead of getting to the root of these problems, only addresses the symptoms. A child who takes drugs is sent to reform school and receives special counseling, but the root cause is not examined. We need to ask ourselves what causes these problems. Each of us can benefit from making a list of who we are and who we want to be. Affirm that even though you are not perfect, you are deserving of love and able to deal with life. When you can give unconditional love and acceptance to yourself, you will no longer have a need for your addictions. Conditioned Beliefs Health begins with an awareness of how our beliefs are derived from conditioning. Our individual conditioning is part of a larger social belief system. One example is the way we eat. Many of us have been taught early in life to finish everything on our plates, even after we are full. Later on, we learn this is unhealthy. We may have headaches or indigestion from eating improperly. Still, we continue to fill up on unhealthy foods. This conditioning has become so strongly ingrained in us that, despite statistics showing we are spending $500 billion a year in medical bills and in spite of the growing awareness the role of nutrition plays in health, more people are living today with cancer, coronary heart disease, mental disease, arthritis and overweight conditions than ever before. Until we make the changes we need in our belief systems, we won't be able to change. We have also been conditioned as a society to attain power through the acquisition of material things. It would be absurd to think that all of us need to have the same kind of fulfillment. One of the inherent dangers in the Western World's present foreign policies is that they try to pass on a belief system to other cultures that disavows an appreciation of the more austere, subtle qualities of life and replaces them with gross, materialistic ones. As a result, we collectively begin to lose sight of the spiritual ideals and moral aspirations that other cultures can offer us. We compete too much and cooperate too little. We can not possibly succeed in helping other people unless we first are balanced. Some people actually aggressively participate in their own disease process through ignorance or through collusion with the belief paradigms to which they belong. Only by breaking down these artificial, superimposed beliefs can we have a normal,integrated society. Taking control and being responsible for forming our own, personal belief systems can greatly affect how we feel about ourselves. Of course, these changes can't happen overnight, but they can happen slowly, as we begin to pay more attention to our patterns of communication and how they affect ourselves and others. Pay attention to how you feel about other people in your life, your work, and how and where you spend your time. Once you identify the patterns, you can begin to change them. Soon you will realize that it's up to you to choose who and what you want to experience in your life. Fear of Change What happens to people who find their value system in conflict with that of the majority of people? They are perceived by society as hostile activists who are agitators to the larger belief system. For instance, there was a major effort made to destroy Ralph Nader when he was exposing large corporations that were concealing health and safety hazards. Likewise, whistle blowers in the Pentagon are shunted to some obscure post and shunned by their peers. Therein lies the paradox. Those who make an effort to help the suffering end up suffering themselves. For this reason, many people are afraid to think independently and take a stand. Most people, to avoid being punished, will give up their beliefs and ideals and let themselves be controlled and dehumanized. We give others the power to validate or invalidate our feelings about ourselves. What matters is our response. Do you really need someone else's approval before you can live your own life? If we are always negating ourselves, we may end up with disease. On the other hand, If we empower ourselves, we can live fulfilling lives. Expectations We are often limited and held back by expectations. Many people are not more active in doing things for themselves because they are afraid of not doing the right thing, not succeeding, or not knowing what to do. To enjoy life, one must be flexible and spontaneous. Living a predictable, stagnant life is dull. Try leaving yourself open to interesting, creative experiences. Expressing your freedom and asserting yourself are healthy ways to grow. Ask if you allow yourself to be open and interested or are you living a repetitive existence? Many of us have grown up in restrictive environments and have not learned how to express ourselves appropriately. In the end we are invalidating ourselves, all our dreams and aspirations, and the hero within us all. Examine your life honestly to see what your expectations are so you can begin to change them. Getting in Touch with our Demons and Heroes Powerlessness, insecurity and fear are some of the demons within ourselves, that keep us limited. Acknowledging our greater potential is to recognize the hero within. As we take more risks to realize our potential, we further acknowledge the hero within. When we finally recognize our limitations, we have no choice but to leave them behind so that we may begin to transform ourselves. We do this through forgiveness,not anger, for only through forgiveness and love do we heal. When we acknowledge that we are the power and center of our life, the hero/warrior/healer that creates our own reality, then there is no reason to harm ourselves. Listening to Our Inner Voice Our mind has many thoughts that pass through fleetingly and it is difficult to separate them just by thinking them through. Sometimes we have two voices giving us instructions simultaneously: I should, I shouldn't; I will, I wont; I'd love to,but I can't. One part of us wants to propel ourselves forward and another wants to hold us back. Somewhere between those two voices we can get stuck and not know quite what to do. Should we request more from people in our relationships? Should we assert ourselves more or less? Should we eat a food we know is bad for us.? Which voice is the right one to listen to? Writing down our thought s and feelings helps us distinguish what is meaningful and right from what we have been conditioned to believe is right but feels wrong. Gradually, we learn which voice to trust. Once we have established trust in ourselves, we won't allow ourselves to be controlled by other people and circumstances. When we are attuned to our inner voice, we are affirming our ability to find our own answers. By listening to our inner self, we can learn what has brought us to this condition and what we can do to resolve it. When we take responsibility for our life in this way, we can allow for a far greater ability to heal. Making Time for Yourself Over the course of the day, give yourself the time you need to stay in balance. Work at things you enjoy and engage in constructive relationships. Most vital is to learn what you need to do to gain better acceptance of yourself, unconditionally. Then you will radiate confidence and not feel limited by the thousands of support systems that tell you you're only all right if they say so. You won't feel limited because someone says you're too old, or female or poor. Everyday you should work to reaffirm balance, order and joy in your life. It's up to you to decide that you want to be free to express yourself. Next decide why you want to be free. Determine what your values, goals,ambitions, and desires are. Measure them by your own standards, not someone else's. Be aware of the way you state your needs and desires; words are powerful. For everything you want to do use powerful, positive words. Say I will, I can, It is possible, I am going to,I trust, and I love. Through this you will embrace the expression of your own life. The final and most difficult step is to sustain the changes happening within ourselves. At the first sign of a roadblock, many people give up and return to their former lifestyles. Maybe you've been physically inactive and you've decided to change that. You might begin going out every Sunday to run with the goal of running a marathon. For three months you comply and start seeing positive changes. You lose weight,your lungs and brain feel clear. Then one Sunday, you don't go out and you feel guilty and angry about it. Then you miss another Sunday and decide to stop running altogether,denying there was ever any value to it. At this point, you have lost your self-confidence. The key is in finding happiness in the process of life, not just a distant goal. It's important to acknowledge yourself for all the small changes taking place, knowing the process itself is the reward. Learning to love what you are doing and to love yourself unconditionally, even though you are not absolutely perfect and occasion-ally have setbacks, is the only secret to success. |